WANNA HEAR A JOKE?
I hate feeling like this..i was happy all day and just like that one conversation ruined it. I have no one but myself to blame. Im an idiot. Im an asshole. I am nothing..im starting to think that her parents are right in thinking that ahe deserves better. Who would want to be woth a bi-polar depressive man anyways. I overreact to every single fucking thing. I bitch and moan about almost anything. Fuck my disorder..i need my medication. I thought i was fine without it but i think i need it now more than ever. I do have a good life and a great girlfriend but for how long will i have that? We made a promise to each other i gave her my word i wouldnt leave and she the same but i dont know how long she will be able to put up with it. Put up with me.
Miya i know im not as happy as i used to be lately and its not your fault its mine. I worry about us constantly im clingy and i know it. I hate that about me. I love you with all of my heart and i think that that love is smothering you. I hate myself. Im disgusted with how ive been acting i have no right..i love you. Im just scared…scared that you will walk away from me. From us. Scared you will find someone new…im crying my eyes out right now just bc i cant spend one measly fucking day with you..to me its not just a day its more. I just want to soend time with you. I never can anymore and youre going away in august and i wont have any time left..i want to spend as much time with you before you leave.
Maybe thats why im so down ,college. I think i failed trying to change your mind to go somewhere closer. I know you have other friends besides me and im selfish for making you want to stay close to me. I need you by my side. I dont want you to leave because im afraid you will never come back…
- N’tima (via mariaarroyo)